For those of you that have followed my blogs, you know that I attempt to find a common thread between a "real life" experience and career searches. It has been a few weeks since my last post because "real life" has taken a very uncomfortable grasp on me and my family lately and I wasn't sure I wanted to share the experience yet. I also wasn't sure I could find that common thread. Given recent events, I thought it was time to share, and I hope the thread is relevant and beneficial.
It is amazing and overwhelming to me how life can change in the blink of an eye. For those of you that read my last post, I mentioned that we had had a medical scare. Well, the scare has turned into a horrible reality. By no means am I looking for sympathy by writing this post, nor am I minimizing anyone else's "real life". One thing I have come to realize over the last few weeks is that reality and tragedy are all relative. When it happens to someone you know, you can sympathize and even empathize, but when it happens to someone you love, the reality is very different. Here's the sequence of events:
On August 30th, my husband went to the doctor to have a lump checked out. Little did I know that he had this lump for more than 9 months before saying anything. The doctor immediately scheduled him for a CT scan. The CT scan showed 3 enlarged lymph nodes, but they weren't sure if they were enlarged due to infection or something more. The next step was for my husband to have a biopsy. This was scheduled within a few days. We were so relieved when the result came back negative, which is when I posted my last blog. I thought we had dodged a bullet. Little did I know that a negative biopsy doesn't mean you don't have cancer. All it means is that the tissue sample that was retrieved didn't show signs of cancer. Did they pull tissue from the right area? Did they penetrate the lymph node and pull tissue from the other side that didn't have cancer cells? I guess we'll never know why, but the next steps have been overwhelming and terrifying and life changing.
After the biopsy came back negative, our primary care doctor referred us to a hematologist. Again, in our ignorance, we didn't know this was an oncologist. She informed us that a negative biopsy didn't mean he didn't have cancer. She said all of the markers point to lymphoma, so they were "going to keep barking up that tree" until they ruled out lymphoma. This meant additional CT scans, surgery to remove the lymph node that was enlarged, bone marrow extractions, and many, many blood tests. After a couple of weeks of non-stop tests, the initial radiologist's report came back with a diagnosis of follicular lymphoma. With the diagnosis, we then needed to go through the grading and staging process to determine the treatment. Again, in our ignorance, we thought that a treatment plan would be defined and wouldn't change. All of this took us through the month of September into the early days of October.
During this time, we tried to keep things from our 6 year old daughter. Until we had a firm diagnosis, we didn't want to scare her with possibilities. Little did we know that her intuition would lead her to the diagnosis without us saying a word. She went to her Nana's house one afternoon, after my husband had had the surgery and the bone marrow extraction, and casually made the statement "I hope my daddy doesn't have cancer". After this, I knew it was time to sit with her and explain everything to her in the best 6 year old terms I could find. The treatment plan, at this point, was 8 - 12 weeks of radiation with a prognosis of a "cure". The doctor was very specific that they almost never use the word "cure" but felt they had caught the cancer early enough that they could in this case. Given this information, I felt I could be as upbeat as possible with my explanation to my daughter. We had an appointment the following Monday with the doctor to finalize and schedule the treatment, so I thought it would be a great idea to bring our daughter to the appointment and hear some supporting statements from our doctor. Oh, the decisions we make!
On October 18th, once again, our lives were turned upside down, and our daughter was in the room to witness it. The full pathologist report was in, which staged him at a stage 2, grade 3 follicular lymphoma. The grade 3 made the cancer more aggressive than originally thought, which changed treatment to chemotherapy followed by radiation. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I was watching the look on my husband's face, watching the fear cross my daughter's face, followed by confusion on her face. I'm trying to process this new information, meanwhile terrified about the damage I have caused with my daughter. Did she think I lied to her? Did she understand what was being said? How was my amazingly wonderful husband handling the change of information? If only this were the final verdict.
The next steps were again a whirlwind. We were scheduled for a MUGA scan to be sure his heart could handle the treatment. Initially, he was supposed to get a catheter to administer the chemotherapy, but at the last minute, she decided that he would go through three cycles of chemotherapy, three weeks apart, which he could do through a normal IV. We had a teaching appointment to learn about the side affects and the sequence of medications to take at home, as well as the "warning signs" to watch for home. Chemotherapy started on the 25th, and are administered in three consecutive days, with the last day being a shot to encourage the bone marrow to produce white blood cells. After the chemotherapy started, she scheduled a PET scan, which we had on the 27th. We had our follow up visit to check his blood count and get the PET scan results today. Once again, our world was turned upside down.
Apparently, his cancer his spread some more. He has more lymph nodes in the original site that are affected. There are lymph nodes surrounding his pancreas that they think may be affected, as well. He has some inflammation in his lungs that they don't think are related to his lymphoma, but residual from the pneumonia he had earlier this year. We aren't sure yet, but the treatment may change again. For now, we continue with the chemotherapy as scheduled. Two weeks after his 3rd cycle, he will have another PET scan and CT scans to see if the lungs and the lymph nodes have changed. If they have changed, then they will attribute the changes to the chemotherapy and assume they are related to the original diagnosis. Then, we'll go through another 3 cycles of chemotherapy. If they haven't changed, the doctor said "we'll scratch our heads and try to figure it out". We didn't discuss prognosis today, so I'm not sure if it has changed or not. We'll bring it up at our pre-chemotherapy appointment next Friday.
So there is the clinical information. Now for the personal information. My husband isn't tolerating the treatment very well. He aches all over. He is beyond tired. He sleeps for probably 18 hours a day. He has lost the feeling in his finger tips, which we hope is only temporary, but were informed that it could end up being a permanent result. His spirits are pretty good, and he is determined to fight this, which makes me thankful every minute of every day. He isn't able to digest food very well, which causes concern for abdominal infection. The "cocktail" he is on has caused him to gain weight, which makes him very uncomfortable when trying to get dressed. His muscles are weak in his legs which are giving him problems walking.
Me? It breaks my heart to see my husband, the light and love of my life, weakened by this poison that is hopefully going to cure him. I am terrified, for me and for my children. I am angry. I feel guilty. I am incredibly sad. This treatment will end our "baby making days" forever. I want to take every ounce of pain away from him and make him well, but all I can do is take care of him by making sure he takes his medicine and makes his appointments. I feel like the weight of this disease rests on my shoulders. I have to monitor every person that comes to my door to make sure they don't have a sniffle, as his immune system is compromised. I try to keep the kids in another part of the house so he can sleep without interruption. But the constant, no break with the kids is exhausting. That is when I get angry because I want him to help me with them. Guilt follows quickly because I know he can't help me, not that he doesn't want to help me. How can I be angry at him because he is fighting the fight of his life? The roller coaster of emotions is frightening. I have my moments of tears, but I have to wait until everyone is asleep so I don't frighten them, too. I pray that God is going to cure my husband and that this road we are traveling right now is a wake up call to put our priorities back in order. I am so thankful for the wonderful doctors, who have overwhelmed us both with non-stop appointments, but are committed to treating him as aggressively as they can. I am eternally grateful to our friends and family that have shown such tremendous love and support, and continue to pray for our family. Not only do I pray for a positive result for my husband, but I also pray for the strength, courage, and wisdom to be the best wife and mother I can be.
So, can there be a common thread between this scenario and searching for employment? In my humble opinion, yes. Persistence. Commitment. Follow through. Having a support system that will hold your hand or kick your butt, depending on what you need on that day. Believing that tomorrow is going to be a better day and not focusing on the negatives of today. There is always a lesson that can be taken and applied, if we choose to look at each scenario through the eyes of optimism and learning. Lastly, faith and belief that God is working with you, for you, and through you provides a tremendous amount of peace.
Kim Cyr, Director of CSP Groups, can be reached at 888-831-9495, kcyr@cspgroups.com or www.cspgroups.com.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Where Has Kindness and Respect Gone? (Part 2)
The last few weeks have been very busy with many enlightening moments. I'm going to start with the most recent and work my way backwards.
Today, I loaded up the family to pick my husband up from work and have lunch with him. It was a beautiful day, so we decided to eat outside. While we were sitting around the table, a car pulled up and a young man got out and let out a scream. Of course, we turned to see what was going on. Once we looked at him, who was quickly joined by his mother, it was evident this man had some type of disability. My daughter asked me why he yelled like he did. This opened up a wonderful conversation.
My husband and I explained to her that while we are all God's children, that doesn't mean that we all develop the same way. Each and every one of us are different. Some differences are visible while others aren't. We explained to her that sometimes someone's brain doesn't grow the same way as hers has. This young man and his mother went into the restaurant for their lunch. After we talked about him outside for a bit, my daughter asked to go inside. I took the drink cups inside for refills, and wouldn't you know, he was sitting by the drink machine. While I was filling the cups, my daughter ran to the "little girl's room", and I stood and watched as people entered the restaurant. Every time he saw someone new, he let out the same scream he did when he got out of the car. There were no less than three other groups that entered, and every one of them gave him and his mother a disgusted look.
My heart broke for her and for him. I have a friend who has a daughter that fell into the family pool and suffered a "near drowning". Her daughter has severe brain damage and the lives of the family are forever changed. When I saw the reaction from people walking into the restaurant, I thought of Gina and how she must deal with the same thing every day. The young man saw me at the soda fountain and started talking to me. I walked over to the table and began talking to him. His mother had to translate a lot of what he said, but oh, how he wanted to talk. His name is Pat and he is 24 years old. His birthday is October 9th. He wanted to know what I was drinking. He asked me if I listened to John Boy and Billy, because he has been a regular guest on their show for the last 10 years. Unfortunately, I don't listen and haven't heard him, but I am proud to say that I met a celebrity today! He asked what we were doing after we left the restaurant. He wanted to know what we had for dinner last night. Then my daughter joined me. He told her she had beautiful blue eyes. He asked her when her birthday was. The questions continued for about 20 minutes or so. His mother asked me if I knew many people like Pat. I told her no, but then I told her about Gina. She said she thought that I was so kind and good with her son that I must have been around a lot of people like him.
We spoke about how people reacted to her son and she said that it was amazing to her how rude and unkind people were to her and Pat. But she followed that up by saying how much they were missing out on because Pat was her heartbeat. I couldn't agree with her more; people are missing out. My daughter enjoyed speaking with Pat and she learned so much from that 30 minute interaction. Pat has forever touched all of our lives, and I am sure there are many more in the past and in the future that will say the same. He is a kind, sweet, soul with much love pouring out of him for anyone willing to share a smile with him.
Earlier this month, I stopped and spoke to one of the gentlemen I wrote about who strolls through our neighborhood. I was taking our Vietnamese exchange student to the store and saw him walking by himself. Of course, he threw his hand in the air as we passed. This time, I stopped and spoke with him. I told him how his simple act of kindness inspired me to write a blog about him and his friend. We shook hands and he told me he was a retired Colonel. He asked me who the young man was sitting next to me. I told him his name was Tuan and he was here from Vietnam. He shook hands with Tuan and told him he spent a year in his country. He told him how beautiful he thought it was. Then he proceeded to ask him some questions about where he was from and how he liked his time here so far. He wished him well, told me where he lived and asked me to write the blog address down and drop it as his house. He was so incredibly gracious and more kind than I thought he would be.
When we drove away, I asked Tuan if he realized that the year he spent in Vietnam was during the Vietnam War. He said yes, but "I am confused". I asked him why he was confused and he said, "Why was he so kind to me"? He thought that anyone that was part of the war hated the Vietnamese people, but this man was so kind to him. Again, another opportunity for a meaningful conversation. I explained to him that our military doesn't engage in combat because they hate. It is their job to follow orders and they followed the orders of our government. As a society, we should always support our militar because they are only following orders. We spoke about what life was like for his grandparents and his parents when they were younger. We spoke about how our military was treated when they returned from this unpopular war. In the end, we talked about how we are all the same and that hatred is a choice. I am proud to be a part of a community that is proving just that to him.
On to the last notable situation. I haven't spoken of this to many people, but now feel that I can broadcast it. My husband has recently had a medical "scare". He has a lump that his doctor decided to biopsy. Given the cancer history in his family, the decision to biopsy had me extremely shaken. My husband said that he wasn't going to worry about it until the results came in because there wasn't anything either one of us could do to change it. Once the results were in, we would know what we were dealing with. Men! The fixers. Women! The emotional basket-cases. Thank God the biopsy came back negative. They aren't sure what is wrong, and we are going for more tests, but the news that it wasn't cancer was a huge weight off both of our shoulders.
Through all of these events, I have realized how much we all really do need each other. Whether it is through medical scares, social uncertainties, or job search anxiety, we all need someone to lean on. We need someone to kick our butts and tell us how it really is. (can't change the medical results, so go make dinner!) We need someone to cry with and someone to celebrate with. I am so incredibly grateful to be that shoulder, or to be that butt kicker, or to raise the celebratory glass.
Kim Cyr, Director of CSP Groups, can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, 888-831-9495 or www.cspgroups.com
Today, I loaded up the family to pick my husband up from work and have lunch with him. It was a beautiful day, so we decided to eat outside. While we were sitting around the table, a car pulled up and a young man got out and let out a scream. Of course, we turned to see what was going on. Once we looked at him, who was quickly joined by his mother, it was evident this man had some type of disability. My daughter asked me why he yelled like he did. This opened up a wonderful conversation.
My husband and I explained to her that while we are all God's children, that doesn't mean that we all develop the same way. Each and every one of us are different. Some differences are visible while others aren't. We explained to her that sometimes someone's brain doesn't grow the same way as hers has. This young man and his mother went into the restaurant for their lunch. After we talked about him outside for a bit, my daughter asked to go inside. I took the drink cups inside for refills, and wouldn't you know, he was sitting by the drink machine. While I was filling the cups, my daughter ran to the "little girl's room", and I stood and watched as people entered the restaurant. Every time he saw someone new, he let out the same scream he did when he got out of the car. There were no less than three other groups that entered, and every one of them gave him and his mother a disgusted look.
My heart broke for her and for him. I have a friend who has a daughter that fell into the family pool and suffered a "near drowning". Her daughter has severe brain damage and the lives of the family are forever changed. When I saw the reaction from people walking into the restaurant, I thought of Gina and how she must deal with the same thing every day. The young man saw me at the soda fountain and started talking to me. I walked over to the table and began talking to him. His mother had to translate a lot of what he said, but oh, how he wanted to talk. His name is Pat and he is 24 years old. His birthday is October 9th. He wanted to know what I was drinking. He asked me if I listened to John Boy and Billy, because he has been a regular guest on their show for the last 10 years. Unfortunately, I don't listen and haven't heard him, but I am proud to say that I met a celebrity today! He asked what we were doing after we left the restaurant. He wanted to know what we had for dinner last night. Then my daughter joined me. He told her she had beautiful blue eyes. He asked her when her birthday was. The questions continued for about 20 minutes or so. His mother asked me if I knew many people like Pat. I told her no, but then I told her about Gina. She said she thought that I was so kind and good with her son that I must have been around a lot of people like him.
We spoke about how people reacted to her son and she said that it was amazing to her how rude and unkind people were to her and Pat. But she followed that up by saying how much they were missing out on because Pat was her heartbeat. I couldn't agree with her more; people are missing out. My daughter enjoyed speaking with Pat and she learned so much from that 30 minute interaction. Pat has forever touched all of our lives, and I am sure there are many more in the past and in the future that will say the same. He is a kind, sweet, soul with much love pouring out of him for anyone willing to share a smile with him.
Earlier this month, I stopped and spoke to one of the gentlemen I wrote about who strolls through our neighborhood. I was taking our Vietnamese exchange student to the store and saw him walking by himself. Of course, he threw his hand in the air as we passed. This time, I stopped and spoke with him. I told him how his simple act of kindness inspired me to write a blog about him and his friend. We shook hands and he told me he was a retired Colonel. He asked me who the young man was sitting next to me. I told him his name was Tuan and he was here from Vietnam. He shook hands with Tuan and told him he spent a year in his country. He told him how beautiful he thought it was. Then he proceeded to ask him some questions about where he was from and how he liked his time here so far. He wished him well, told me where he lived and asked me to write the blog address down and drop it as his house. He was so incredibly gracious and more kind than I thought he would be.
When we drove away, I asked Tuan if he realized that the year he spent in Vietnam was during the Vietnam War. He said yes, but "I am confused". I asked him why he was confused and he said, "Why was he so kind to me"? He thought that anyone that was part of the war hated the Vietnamese people, but this man was so kind to him. Again, another opportunity for a meaningful conversation. I explained to him that our military doesn't engage in combat because they hate. It is their job to follow orders and they followed the orders of our government. As a society, we should always support our militar because they are only following orders. We spoke about what life was like for his grandparents and his parents when they were younger. We spoke about how our military was treated when they returned from this unpopular war. In the end, we talked about how we are all the same and that hatred is a choice. I am proud to be a part of a community that is proving just that to him.
On to the last notable situation. I haven't spoken of this to many people, but now feel that I can broadcast it. My husband has recently had a medical "scare". He has a lump that his doctor decided to biopsy. Given the cancer history in his family, the decision to biopsy had me extremely shaken. My husband said that he wasn't going to worry about it until the results came in because there wasn't anything either one of us could do to change it. Once the results were in, we would know what we were dealing with. Men! The fixers. Women! The emotional basket-cases. Thank God the biopsy came back negative. They aren't sure what is wrong, and we are going for more tests, but the news that it wasn't cancer was a huge weight off both of our shoulders.
Through all of these events, I have realized how much we all really do need each other. Whether it is through medical scares, social uncertainties, or job search anxiety, we all need someone to lean on. We need someone to kick our butts and tell us how it really is. (can't change the medical results, so go make dinner!) We need someone to cry with and someone to celebrate with. I am so incredibly grateful to be that shoulder, or to be that butt kicker, or to raise the celebratory glass.
Kim Cyr, Director of CSP Groups, can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, 888-831-9495 or www.cspgroups.com
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
What Are We Doing Wrong?
I am told that I am an over-achiever and that I spread myself too thin. (usually by my husband and dear friends) One of my "jobs" is supervising foreign exchange students. I have taken on this responsibility because I am a mother and I try to consider what the parents' concerns are having sent their child around the world to live with complete strangers. They do this so their child can increase their English speaking ability and comprehension, which allows them a better chance of success in their adult life. Normally, this is pretty simple, as most of the host families go into the process with all the right intentions, however, this year has been very different. I have four students, and three amazing families. One isn't. The student has only been in the US for a week, but I have already pulled him out of the home and he is now staying with me until I can find him a better, permanent home.
Here are some of the problems the family had and the mistakes that were made. The family never had children and didn't know how to relate to a teenager. (who of us really does know how to relate?) This wasn't really a problem, as I thought I could help guide them along the way. The real problem was that they wanted everything to work on the "black and white" scale. It was either this way or that way, with no room for compromise. When I would make suggestions, or relay discontent, there were a ton of excuses given for the bad behavior. The family focused entirely on the amount of money the student had to spend for the year, which caused me great concern. There was an attempt to keep the student from communicating with his natural family, which caused an increase in his home-sickness. Again, while trying to correct the issues, I was given a million excuses without any attempt at addressing the problems and correcting them.
One specific issue had to do with the student wanting to help with certain chores in the home. He was told "no" on several occasions. He comes from a culture where a rejected offer of assistance means the recipient believes you are not "worthy" of helping. This distressed him very much, so of course, I explained to the family how intent may not be interpreted correctly. I explained this specific situation. Rather than try to bond with the student by reviewing the situation and apologizing, the family decided to give a vocabulary lesson on the meaning of the word "worthy". Then there was an accident that caused bedding to get stained with ink from a pen. All linen was removed from the room, as was the "good" mattress, and the student was told he wasn't going to be allowed to use the "good" linen anymore. Soon after came stern warnings not to scratch any of the furniture. The student deserved better than this kind of home, so at 8:30 last night, I picked him up and brought him to my home and am currently seeking some place more suitable for him. (I'm sure you are asking yourself, why don't I keep him here. I live 40 minutes from his school in another state, and the local school systems have stopped accepting exchange students, so I have to keep him in his current school or he will be sent back to his home country). I could spend several more hours detailing some of the horrors this poor student had to deal with, but I think you get the gist of how unsuitable this home was.
Through all that has occurred, I have asked myself, what lessons can you take from this experience and share with others? Does any of this behavior parallel job seeker behavior, and can I benefit others with this experience? This is what I've learned and truly believe.
Most job seekers are willing to listen to suggestions and accept constructive criticism to better their search strategy, however, there are some that won't. Those that won't will make excuses or justify their bad behavior. If you have been given several opportunities (interviews) without results (job offers), and someone (friend, recruiter, career coach, or potential employer) tries to help you by offering suggestions or constructive criticism, LISTEN to them. Stop being defensive. Stop trying to justify bad behavior. Self-evaluate if necessary. The advice isn't meant to be unkind or hurtful. The advice is meant to help you reach a different result, which is employment. My role and my goal with Career Services Partnering Groups is to assist every willing job seeker in obtaining new employment. My role and goal with the exchange student program is to be sure the host families and students have an amazing, rewarding experience during their time in the US. I know I approach both roles with the same heart, compassion, and commitment, and because I approach both roles with the "right" intentions, I am able to be successful. My successes mean job seekers are going back to work, and exchange students are having amazing experiences. For me, it doesn't get any better than that!
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, www.cspgroups.com or 888-831-9495
Here are some of the problems the family had and the mistakes that were made. The family never had children and didn't know how to relate to a teenager. (who of us really does know how to relate?) This wasn't really a problem, as I thought I could help guide them along the way. The real problem was that they wanted everything to work on the "black and white" scale. It was either this way or that way, with no room for compromise. When I would make suggestions, or relay discontent, there were a ton of excuses given for the bad behavior. The family focused entirely on the amount of money the student had to spend for the year, which caused me great concern. There was an attempt to keep the student from communicating with his natural family, which caused an increase in his home-sickness. Again, while trying to correct the issues, I was given a million excuses without any attempt at addressing the problems and correcting them.
One specific issue had to do with the student wanting to help with certain chores in the home. He was told "no" on several occasions. He comes from a culture where a rejected offer of assistance means the recipient believes you are not "worthy" of helping. This distressed him very much, so of course, I explained to the family how intent may not be interpreted correctly. I explained this specific situation. Rather than try to bond with the student by reviewing the situation and apologizing, the family decided to give a vocabulary lesson on the meaning of the word "worthy". Then there was an accident that caused bedding to get stained with ink from a pen. All linen was removed from the room, as was the "good" mattress, and the student was told he wasn't going to be allowed to use the "good" linen anymore. Soon after came stern warnings not to scratch any of the furniture. The student deserved better than this kind of home, so at 8:30 last night, I picked him up and brought him to my home and am currently seeking some place more suitable for him. (I'm sure you are asking yourself, why don't I keep him here. I live 40 minutes from his school in another state, and the local school systems have stopped accepting exchange students, so I have to keep him in his current school or he will be sent back to his home country). I could spend several more hours detailing some of the horrors this poor student had to deal with, but I think you get the gist of how unsuitable this home was.
Through all that has occurred, I have asked myself, what lessons can you take from this experience and share with others? Does any of this behavior parallel job seeker behavior, and can I benefit others with this experience? This is what I've learned and truly believe.
Most job seekers are willing to listen to suggestions and accept constructive criticism to better their search strategy, however, there are some that won't. Those that won't will make excuses or justify their bad behavior. If you have been given several opportunities (interviews) without results (job offers), and someone (friend, recruiter, career coach, or potential employer) tries to help you by offering suggestions or constructive criticism, LISTEN to them. Stop being defensive. Stop trying to justify bad behavior. Self-evaluate if necessary. The advice isn't meant to be unkind or hurtful. The advice is meant to help you reach a different result, which is employment. My role and my goal with Career Services Partnering Groups is to assist every willing job seeker in obtaining new employment. My role and goal with the exchange student program is to be sure the host families and students have an amazing, rewarding experience during their time in the US. I know I approach both roles with the same heart, compassion, and commitment, and because I approach both roles with the "right" intentions, I am able to be successful. My successes mean job seekers are going back to work, and exchange students are having amazing experiences. For me, it doesn't get any better than that!
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, www.cspgroups.com or 888-831-9495
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A Successful Search Campaign
Many of you that know me know I have a six year old daughter. She often hears me discuss with my husband some of the trials and tribulations job seekers are facing today. Sometimes, she'll hear her friends talking about a parent losing their job, or she'll hear the news reports about housing foreclosures. Of course, when she doesn't understand a word, she'll ask me about it, and I have to find an age appropriate way to explain. I'm absolutely positive all the parents out there can relate to this, and have your own hysterical stories about a word you had no idea they had even heard, and the tap dance you performed to provide an adequate explanation. Or maybe, you deferred the answer to your spouse. (As unique as my husband is, I'm positive he isn't the only one that has ever done this!)
I didn't realize how much the conversations about job seeker misfortunes' had impacted my daughter, until this past weekend. She went through the pantry, looking for "snack" items. I thought she was having a picnic in the front yard with one of her friends. She had her little tray, and a few items separated on the tray in coffee filters. She had her little plastic table and chairs positioned in the front yard where she could see both cross streets. During one of my "checking up on her visits", I noticed my yard filled with several of the neighborhood children. All of these children had been over here at one time or another, so I didn't give it a lot of thought, but I opened the door to make sure everything was OK. She reassured me, "Yes, Mommy. Everything is OK. We're just talking." All seemed on the up and up, so I came back inside. A couple of minutes later, she came in with three dollar bills. She handed them to me and said "Mommy, maybe this will help some of the people you talk to every day". Needless to say, tears welled up in my eyes for her kind, tender spirit and desire to help complete strangers. When I asked her why she would do that, she said she sees her Mommy helping strangers, so she thought she should, too.
Of course, my mind went in different directions when this happened. How can I look at the world from my child's eyes and benefit those adults I talk to? For her, it was as simple as gathering her friends around and "selling" them snacks from our pantry. (She said that everything was free, but they wanted to give her money) What she proved to me, and I hope I am able to express this well, is that by opening ourselves up to help from our family and friends, we can reach our goals. That is a "prong" in the search strategies I help my job seekers develop. Of course, every person's search strategy will be different and should be tailored to their needs, but I thought I would take the lead from my daughter and provide a few more tools for the job seeker toolbox. Here are some of the common threads each search should take.
1. Make sure your resume is in "top notch" order. If you don't have an effective resume, nothing else is going to matter. Paying a reputable service to rewrite your resume is the single best investment you'll make in your ability to be considered by potential employers. It is their first impression of you, so make it count!
2. Work the job boards. Yes, you are one of 1,000s doing it, but you never know when you are going to be the 1 that gets selected.
3. Work with a recruiter/headhunter that specializes in your industry. If you can find more than one, all the better. If you can find 100 that are willing to work with you, use all 100. BUT, keep your expectations in check.
4. Network, network, network. This includes sites like LinkedIn, in addition to going through your Rolodex and contacting past co-workers and supervisors, as well as vendors and subordinates. Talk to your family and friends, too.
5. Target companies that YOU would want to work for. Don't worry if they are hiring. Get to the inside of the company and find out who the hiring manager is over the department you want to work. Email him/her your resume with a cover letter explaining why it would benefit them to call you in for an interview. (and potentially hire you) You'd be surprised how far these efforts will take you.
6. Keep a log of every resume submittal you make. Then, follow up on a regular basis. This includes your family and friends. Stay on their radar. If you fall off their radar, you could be missing opportunities.
7. Take control of your search. Don't sit back and wait on someone to call you. Follow up. Follow up. Keep your expectations in check, but follow up. Walk the stalking line, but don't cross it.
The most important aspect of a search is keeping your confidence up, believing in yourself and staying present with your search. Don't fall off any one's radar. If you are persistent with the search efforts, they'll assume you'll be the same way when hired. If you were a hiring manager, would you want the person that continues to show interest in the position or the person that interviewed and you never heard from again? We all know the answer to that one!
If anyone needs help with any of these methods, please feel free to contact me. Before starting 2-7, make sure you take care of #1. I cannot stress that enough. If your foundation is weak, nothing built on it will last long.
From the Cyr family to yours, we sincerely hope these suggestions will help. As always, I am available, willing, and more than happy to help anyone that needs it, and am proud of my daughter who wants to follow in my footsteps.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, www.cspgroups.com or 888-831-9495
I didn't realize how much the conversations about job seeker misfortunes' had impacted my daughter, until this past weekend. She went through the pantry, looking for "snack" items. I thought she was having a picnic in the front yard with one of her friends. She had her little tray, and a few items separated on the tray in coffee filters. She had her little plastic table and chairs positioned in the front yard where she could see both cross streets. During one of my "checking up on her visits", I noticed my yard filled with several of the neighborhood children. All of these children had been over here at one time or another, so I didn't give it a lot of thought, but I opened the door to make sure everything was OK. She reassured me, "Yes, Mommy. Everything is OK. We're just talking." All seemed on the up and up, so I came back inside. A couple of minutes later, she came in with three dollar bills. She handed them to me and said "Mommy, maybe this will help some of the people you talk to every day". Needless to say, tears welled up in my eyes for her kind, tender spirit and desire to help complete strangers. When I asked her why she would do that, she said she sees her Mommy helping strangers, so she thought she should, too.
Of course, my mind went in different directions when this happened. How can I look at the world from my child's eyes and benefit those adults I talk to? For her, it was as simple as gathering her friends around and "selling" them snacks from our pantry. (She said that everything was free, but they wanted to give her money) What she proved to me, and I hope I am able to express this well, is that by opening ourselves up to help from our family and friends, we can reach our goals. That is a "prong" in the search strategies I help my job seekers develop. Of course, every person's search strategy will be different and should be tailored to their needs, but I thought I would take the lead from my daughter and provide a few more tools for the job seeker toolbox. Here are some of the common threads each search should take.
1. Make sure your resume is in "top notch" order. If you don't have an effective resume, nothing else is going to matter. Paying a reputable service to rewrite your resume is the single best investment you'll make in your ability to be considered by potential employers. It is their first impression of you, so make it count!
2. Work the job boards. Yes, you are one of 1,000s doing it, but you never know when you are going to be the 1 that gets selected.
3. Work with a recruiter/headhunter that specializes in your industry. If you can find more than one, all the better. If you can find 100 that are willing to work with you, use all 100. BUT, keep your expectations in check.
4. Network, network, network. This includes sites like LinkedIn, in addition to going through your Rolodex and contacting past co-workers and supervisors, as well as vendors and subordinates. Talk to your family and friends, too.
5. Target companies that YOU would want to work for. Don't worry if they are hiring. Get to the inside of the company and find out who the hiring manager is over the department you want to work. Email him/her your resume with a cover letter explaining why it would benefit them to call you in for an interview. (and potentially hire you) You'd be surprised how far these efforts will take you.
6. Keep a log of every resume submittal you make. Then, follow up on a regular basis. This includes your family and friends. Stay on their radar. If you fall off their radar, you could be missing opportunities.
7. Take control of your search. Don't sit back and wait on someone to call you. Follow up. Follow up. Keep your expectations in check, but follow up. Walk the stalking line, but don't cross it.
The most important aspect of a search is keeping your confidence up, believing in yourself and staying present with your search. Don't fall off any one's radar. If you are persistent with the search efforts, they'll assume you'll be the same way when hired. If you were a hiring manager, would you want the person that continues to show interest in the position or the person that interviewed and you never heard from again? We all know the answer to that one!
If anyone needs help with any of these methods, please feel free to contact me. Before starting 2-7, make sure you take care of #1. I cannot stress that enough. If your foundation is weak, nothing built on it will last long.
From the Cyr family to yours, we sincerely hope these suggestions will help. As always, I am available, willing, and more than happy to help anyone that needs it, and am proud of my daughter who wants to follow in my footsteps.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, www.cspgroups.com or 888-831-9495
Monday, July 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Where Has Kindness and Respect Gone?
I live in a subdivision with more than 550 homes. It is its own little "city". As much as I get out to meet the neighbors, I can honestly say I do not know everyone that lives here. That probably doesn't come as a surprise to you, as most people nowadays tend to keep to themselves and actually getting out to meet your neighbors doesn't appear to be a common practice anymore.
Today, as I was driving through the neighborhood, there were two older gentlemen out for a morning walk. I would estimate their ages to be somewhere in their mid-sixties. I haven't seen them out before and certainly never met them, but the oddest thing happened as I passed them. One of them threw up his hand and waved to me and the other tipped his hat. Of course, I couldn't help but wave back at them. Their simple act of kindness has kept a smile on my face all day. It has stayed with me. It had a tremendous impact on me. I have shared this moment with many that I have spoken with today. More than anything, it has made me wonder, consider, and question; why isn't this common practice anymore? Why do we live in a tunnel, not recognizing or validating those we come in contact with?
I've mentioned before that I am part of an amazing discussion on LinkedIn and this simple act today, by these two gentlemen who may or may not ever see me again, brought so much of what has been said on the thread into amazing clarity for me. Most of the comments on the thread have to do with communication, or the lack thereof. Those are the words that are written on the thread. But after my experience today, I don't think that people are really complaining about communication. It is my opinion that they are complaining about the lack of validation. Or the lack of recognition. Each and every one of us wants someone to tell us that we mean something to someone. We all want to know that we have a purpose. So where has the respect for each other gone?
With the economy taking the horrible direction it has for the last two years, and all the fallout because of it, shouldn't we be reaching out to each other versus shutting ourselves off from our neighbors? People have lost their jobs. We see the numbers all over the news. People have lost their homes. Both continue on an hourly basis. In the process of this, they are losing their identity and confidence, as well as their dignity. They are losing their self-respect and their self-value. They are just losing themselves. A simple act of kindness, like throwing your hand in the air or tipping your hat(or responding to an email or phone message), acknowledges your presence. It validates your existence.
I try to go through every day acknowledging and validating the job seekers I speak with, but after this revelation today, I am going to be even more conscientious of what I'm doing. It is my hope that recruiters, HR, and job seekers as well as the rest of the world, can stop and wave, or tip their hat, (or respond to an email or phone message) to someone new today. It will cost you nothing, but validation is priceless.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, http://www.cspgroups.com/ or 888-831-9495
Today, as I was driving through the neighborhood, there were two older gentlemen out for a morning walk. I would estimate their ages to be somewhere in their mid-sixties. I haven't seen them out before and certainly never met them, but the oddest thing happened as I passed them. One of them threw up his hand and waved to me and the other tipped his hat. Of course, I couldn't help but wave back at them. Their simple act of kindness has kept a smile on my face all day. It has stayed with me. It had a tremendous impact on me. I have shared this moment with many that I have spoken with today. More than anything, it has made me wonder, consider, and question; why isn't this common practice anymore? Why do we live in a tunnel, not recognizing or validating those we come in contact with?
I've mentioned before that I am part of an amazing discussion on LinkedIn and this simple act today, by these two gentlemen who may or may not ever see me again, brought so much of what has been said on the thread into amazing clarity for me. Most of the comments on the thread have to do with communication, or the lack thereof. Those are the words that are written on the thread. But after my experience today, I don't think that people are really complaining about communication. It is my opinion that they are complaining about the lack of validation. Or the lack of recognition. Each and every one of us wants someone to tell us that we mean something to someone. We all want to know that we have a purpose. So where has the respect for each other gone?
With the economy taking the horrible direction it has for the last two years, and all the fallout because of it, shouldn't we be reaching out to each other versus shutting ourselves off from our neighbors? People have lost their jobs. We see the numbers all over the news. People have lost their homes. Both continue on an hourly basis. In the process of this, they are losing their identity and confidence, as well as their dignity. They are losing their self-respect and their self-value. They are just losing themselves. A simple act of kindness, like throwing your hand in the air or tipping your hat(or responding to an email or phone message), acknowledges your presence. It validates your existence.
I try to go through every day acknowledging and validating the job seekers I speak with, but after this revelation today, I am going to be even more conscientious of what I'm doing. It is my hope that recruiters, HR, and job seekers as well as the rest of the world, can stop and wave, or tip their hat, (or respond to an email or phone message) to someone new today. It will cost you nothing, but validation is priceless.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, http://www.cspgroups.com/ or 888-831-9495
Thursday, July 8, 2010
What Makes Job Seekers, Recruiters and HR "Mad"
I love technology. Being able to communicate around the world in fractions of seconds is amazing to me. Searching for people, or jobs, or just information with a few keystrokes rather than buying 15 newspapers, or having to travel to the library (still a great place to go) to borrow a phone book, or having bookshelves filled with encyclopedias. But what have we lost in the process of all this technology? Recently, I've participated in discussion items through some groups (Job Angels and The Job Board specifically) on LinkedIn that have left me contemplating this thought.
On Job & Career Network, there is a discussion titled "JOBSEEKERS; What do Recruiters and HR staffers do that really gets you upset? RECRUITERS/HR: What do jobseekers do that really gets you upset?" There are nearly 3,000 comments on this discussion, which anyone using LinkedIn will acknowledge is a significant amount of activity. Believe it or not, there is one common thread through most of the comments; where has the communication gone? What ever happened to "common" decency, respect and follow through? It isn't so common anymore, is it?
I remember the day when resumes were either mailed or hand delivered to an organization. Now, I'm not THAT old, and this isn't one of your grandparents stories about walking 10 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways! Now that we have settled that, I'll continue. =) During the pre-internet (olden?) days, organizations would usually send a letter letting you know they had chosen someone else or call you congratulating you on your selection. Don't hold your breath waiting on these "niceties" today. Yes, there are still a few "old school" organizations out there, but by and large, the communication factor has disappeared.
So where does that leave us? My recommendation to job seekers is to lower your expectations. I don't like this new reality, but stomping my feet and throwing my fists in the air, screaming how "wrong" this is, isn't going to change it. (I'm just one person, and as good as I think I am, I haven't figured out how to change the world....yet!) Does it stink that the human element has nearly been removed from a job search? Of course it does. We can focus on how wrong it is, and how much we'd like it to be different, or we can accept the way it is and try to find a way to "work" with it.
On the other side of the coin is the HR and Recruiting personnel. I completely understand how inundated you are with qualified and not so qualified candidates and the ability to keep up with them all is nearly impossible. For recruiters, finding clients willing to pay for your services has become increasingly challenging, and your candidate base has increased exponentially over the last 2 years. Many of these candidates have made the possibilitiy of marketing them nearly impossible because they don't have quality documents. Keeping up with the amount of incoming email and phone calls from candidates becomes overwhelming; almost to the point of needing to add another 20 hours to each day. HR personnel often receive upwards of 1,000 resumes for each opening they have and are tasked with weeding through them to find "the most qualified" candidate. How much can you really do in a day? External recruiters usually only get paid if they make a placement, so their focus is on working with the most marketable candidates. HR personnel have a responsibility to their company to find the "best" candidates in a relatively short period of time, and have reams of paper to sort through to find them. I'm fortunate enough to work with all parties involved, so I understand the challenges each of you face. So how do we bring all the pieces together and make everyone happy?
I think the short answer is, you can't. We can't make everyone happy all the time. However, job seekers can make themselves more marketable by having quality documents. Job seekers can take the initiative and follow up on a regular, non stalking, basis and get the answers they so desperately crave. They can take the power back by not sitting and waiting for the incoming communication. Is that the way it should be? Does it really matter if that's the way it should be? No, on both counts. But guess what....that's the way it is. Lower your expectations and you'll never be disappointed.
I do wish HR and recruiters could put the human element back into what they are doing and realize that they are dealing with people and not paper. Unfortunately, they are doing all they can to maintain their employed status and the human element has been removed. Maybe when this economic crisis is over, we can get back to the way things "used to be". It sure would be nice for the change to happen sooner, though.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, 888-831-9495 or www.cspgroups.com
On Job & Career Network, there is a discussion titled "JOBSEEKERS; What do Recruiters and HR staffers do that really gets you upset? RECRUITERS/HR: What do jobseekers do that really gets you upset?" There are nearly 3,000 comments on this discussion, which anyone using LinkedIn will acknowledge is a significant amount of activity. Believe it or not, there is one common thread through most of the comments; where has the communication gone? What ever happened to "common" decency, respect and follow through? It isn't so common anymore, is it?
I remember the day when resumes were either mailed or hand delivered to an organization. Now, I'm not THAT old, and this isn't one of your grandparents stories about walking 10 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways! Now that we have settled that, I'll continue. =) During the pre-internet (olden?) days, organizations would usually send a letter letting you know they had chosen someone else or call you congratulating you on your selection. Don't hold your breath waiting on these "niceties" today. Yes, there are still a few "old school" organizations out there, but by and large, the communication factor has disappeared.
So where does that leave us? My recommendation to job seekers is to lower your expectations. I don't like this new reality, but stomping my feet and throwing my fists in the air, screaming how "wrong" this is, isn't going to change it. (I'm just one person, and as good as I think I am, I haven't figured out how to change the world....yet!) Does it stink that the human element has nearly been removed from a job search? Of course it does. We can focus on how wrong it is, and how much we'd like it to be different, or we can accept the way it is and try to find a way to "work" with it.
On the other side of the coin is the HR and Recruiting personnel. I completely understand how inundated you are with qualified and not so qualified candidates and the ability to keep up with them all is nearly impossible. For recruiters, finding clients willing to pay for your services has become increasingly challenging, and your candidate base has increased exponentially over the last 2 years. Many of these candidates have made the possibilitiy of marketing them nearly impossible because they don't have quality documents. Keeping up with the amount of incoming email and phone calls from candidates becomes overwhelming; almost to the point of needing to add another 20 hours to each day. HR personnel often receive upwards of 1,000 resumes for each opening they have and are tasked with weeding through them to find "the most qualified" candidate. How much can you really do in a day? External recruiters usually only get paid if they make a placement, so their focus is on working with the most marketable candidates. HR personnel have a responsibility to their company to find the "best" candidates in a relatively short period of time, and have reams of paper to sort through to find them. I'm fortunate enough to work with all parties involved, so I understand the challenges each of you face. So how do we bring all the pieces together and make everyone happy?
I think the short answer is, you can't. We can't make everyone happy all the time. However, job seekers can make themselves more marketable by having quality documents. Job seekers can take the initiative and follow up on a regular, non stalking, basis and get the answers they so desperately crave. They can take the power back by not sitting and waiting for the incoming communication. Is that the way it should be? Does it really matter if that's the way it should be? No, on both counts. But guess what....that's the way it is. Lower your expectations and you'll never be disappointed.
I do wish HR and recruiters could put the human element back into what they are doing and realize that they are dealing with people and not paper. Unfortunately, they are doing all they can to maintain their employed status and the human element has been removed. Maybe when this economic crisis is over, we can get back to the way things "used to be". It sure would be nice for the change to happen sooner, though.
Kim Cyr can be reached at kcyr@cspgroups.com, 888-831-9495 or www.cspgroups.com
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